Sunday Thought May 23, 2015: Giving In is NOT the same as Giving Up

Ever felt like you just want to hide under your duvet and never emerge? Like you want the world to just go away and leave you alone?

Me too.

There is a popular motivational quote by Regina Brett:

“No matter how you feel, get up, dress up, show up, and never give up.”

I agree with this quote on most days. Reflecting that I am fortunate to be alive, that life is short I usually get up, make myself presentable and show up – on my blog and on social media at least, if not in person.

I’ve done the getting up, dressing up and showing up thing even when I really haven’t felt like it. I should have given in to the urge to sit on the sofa, watch rubbish TV, read a book, or do colouring-in.

Instead, I carried on working away, putting pressure on myself, feeling guilty if I wasn’t doing something productive, constructive. The guilt was even more acute if I was doing something that did not directly involve Hugo’s legacy. There have been times when I have felt guilty for enjoying myself.

It has taken me some time to realise that giving in is not the same as giving up.

No, not by a long shot.

There are plenty of days when I have not felt very sociable. I have stayed within the controlled environment of my own home, but engaged happily enough on social media and on my blog.

There are some days, like yesterday for example, when I didn’t want to be on social media. I felt very low and thought it best to stay away rather than pretend to be cheerful, or whatever the online equivalent of putting on a fake smile is.

I was low because of a rollercoaster week. So, I indulged in some self-care with a magazine.

The magazine part of the self-care didn’t last very long because the cat wanted to help me relax. Her idea of helping me relax is to lie on me and get me to fuss her, leaving no hands spare to hold the magazine. I don’t mind though of course, fussing her and listening to her blissed-out purring is one of the best-possible forms of relaxation.

Today, I am happy to report, I feel brighter. Recharged.

The lesson is it is ok, acceptable, fine to give in sometimes. There is so much pressure on us to be all things to all people. To be happy all the time. To always be ‘ok’, grateful for who and what we have, who and what we are. To be go, go, go.

Trying to achieve these impossible ideals will only make us unhappy, stressed out over time – not just for the bereaved. It works for all of us.

So, taking inspiration from Regina Brett here is my thought for the day:

I even treated myself to a new pink lipstick, which also helped put a smile on my face.

There is no easy fix for grief, anxiety, or any such complex emotions. They are not easy to control. But I do whatever I can to make sure to help balance out the negative emotions with a bit of positive energy.