My Broken-Hearted Family

Image found on Pinterest

Image found on Pinterest

I found this image on Pinterest a while ago. It made me cry, but I couldn’t take my eyes from it.

So much conveyed through such a simple image.

A mother and a father having to let go of their precious baby.

I don’t know if I agree with the symbolism of the picture – I don’t like Hugo being described as an ‘angel baby’. Hugo is my Star Boy, having adventures in the galaxies above.

Sometimes when I look at this picture, I wonder why the parents, while clearly upset, are not offering more resistance. Why it seems such a peaceful scene. Why aren’t they fighting?

Then I remember my last moments with Hugo. I did not want him to go, not even for a moment. I would have done anything to have kept Hugo with me, for him to have got better, and for him to have come home with me and his daddy.

I like to think the baby in the picture is not going willingly. He looks like he is wriggling, just like Hugo would wriggle.

Hugo had fought so hard, and defied so many odds, for 35 days. His nurses told us they thought the love his daddy and I lavished Hugo gave him the strength and determination to keep fighting.

If only love was enough.

Hugo had told us, in his way, that he was tired of fighting. There was no more hope for him. I did not want my boy to suffer. I wanted my son to feel as much love as we could give him. We wanted to make sure his last moments were calm. No fighting. Not from him, not from us. He was snuggled between my boobs, and I sang to him. Hugo listened to my heartbeat – the first sound he would have heard was also the last.

When I discovered I was pregnant, Hugo’s daddy and I thought we had the family we so wished for at last.

We are broken-hearted.

Our family is broken-hearted.

Our friends are broken-hearted.

I feel broken.

________________

 Word of the Week – broken

The Reading Residence

The Prompt – Family

mumturnedmom

56 thoughts on “My Broken-Hearted Family

  1. Kiran Chug says:

    Leigh I’m so angry for you. None of this is fair. I’m heartbroken for you. I don’t have the words either…. Suddenly nothing I worried about today seems remotely important. I wish wish wish everything was different. Sorry for being so ineloquent. Much love as always. XXXXX

    Like

  2. Tracey @ Mummyshire says:

    I’ve just discovered your blog via #ThePrompt and I am lost for words, mainly because I’m wiping the tears from my eyes. I cannot imagine your emotional heartbreak, and am hugely in awe of your strength of writing and your desire to create a legacy for Hugo. You’re clearly a very proud and loving mother. Much love xx

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Salma says:

    …the weight of grief is a heavy burden to bear…5 years after the devastating death of my little boy I understand. I may not know how you are feeling today or tomorrow, but I understand.
    He was so precious…beautiful!!!

    Hugs!!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Sara (@mumturnedmom) says:

    Oh Leigh, my heart breaks for you again. I wish there were words that would help. Reading your blog always reminds me that I should never, ever take my family for granted; thank you for continuing to share with us all and thank you so much for joining in with #ThePrompt this week xx

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Maria (@Mbette827) says:

    Leigh~I’m speechless. I offer you my sincerest condolences. I could never imagine what you and your husband have gone through. Your strength in astounding, talking about your little boy, your Star Boy. He was so lucky to have had you, and I’m sure he’s playing in the galaxies now, and happily looking after you.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. thereadingresidence says:

    You have me in tears, of course. I feel so much anger on your behalf, and I would love to be able to take away some of your pain, but I know I cannot. All the more frustrating. A beautiful image, and a beautiful, honest, pain-filled post x Thanks for sharing with #WotW

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Emma says:

    Leigh, my heart hurts for you. This is all so heavy, what we are going through, what we know others are going through too. There is no reason or sense and I am furious at the universe for what it does to good people for absolutely no reason. It hurts, so much. X

    Liked by 1 person

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