Resonant words to remember

I stumbled across this picture on social media a couple of days ago. It is from the beautiful CarlyMarie Project.

Most of the words really resonated, because they sum up succinctly what I have been trying to achieve.

What my heart, my soul needs to not just survive, but to thrive.

heartcanheal

I say ‘most of’ the words resonated, because I am unsure of the last line, “the more my heart could heal.” I am not sure whether my heart ever can heal. I’m not sure if all the achieving and thriving in the world can make my heart heal. There will always be a Hugo-shaped hole in my heart.

Ultimately, however, it is the overall sentiment that caught my eye.

Not second-guessing, or judging my feelings is something I am trying to achieve.

Grief can be a messy business. My grief is messy because it is entangled with the trauma of my illness.

I want to feel grateful for being alive, without a sense of guilt that Hugo is not.

I want to not feel guilty about ‘wasting precious time’ feeling sad. Feeling sad is a natural part of grief.

I want to not feel guilty about being sociable, or withdrawn.

I want to be more compassionate towards myself. More mindful of my feelings. Not beat myself up for feeling something, or not feeling something. I have enough to deal with without lumbering myself with being so critical of myself, too.

These words have been written in my diary. The hope is that the more I read them, the better the chance of them sinking in.

You never know. Stranger things have happened.

 

7 thoughts on “Resonant words to remember

  1. blopmamma2014 says:

    These words have resonated with me this week, even though I have seen bereavement as opposed to experiencing it.
    I’ve thought about you and Hugo a lot this week, every time I see a star in the sky or caught sight of the ones on my Christmas tree.

    Like

  2. Mummy Writes says:

    Beautiful words. Sometimes I find these quotes make me feel inadequate… like I should be strong minded enough to ‘heal’ so that I’m ‘better’ and can ‘move on’… but I know what you mean. I think 2015 will be a year to be kind to ourselves xx

    Like

    • Leigh Kendall says:

      Thank you. I know what you mean. I want to be kind to myself, and these words to me are aspirational, that it can be possible. Let’s support each other to be kind to ourselves this year xxx

      Like

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