2015: A blank page

So, 2015 is here.

Just like all the apprehension that preceded Y2K, we’re all still here. There was no Armageddon.

A date is just a number, a way of measuring time in to neat little blocks.

Grief isn’t neat, though. Of course, I woke up this morning missing Hugo as much as I did yesterday.

The change of calendar doesn’t change anything inside me.

I think back to January 1, 2014. I was full of excitement, the calendar was full of lots of dates. My 20 week scan at the end of the month. Considering when my maternity leave would start, sometime around May. My baby’s due date in June. So much to look forward to.

My 2015 diary isn’t completely blank, of course. There are dates, events, appointments to go to, commitments to keep. Things to be done. Whereas 12 months ago I was full of beans, today I feel flat. That’s ok, it is to be expected.

I survived 2014, some of the worst times of my life. I have no real expectations of 2015, besides not to just survive, but to also thrive.

A friend observed that this photo of my calendar is blank, and that I should plan something to treat myself and put that in. I’ve not been very good at that, so it’s a good idea. Something restorative.

I am sure there are many among my readers who are better that this sort of thing than me. Ideas are welcome.

IMG_20150101_123504

Linking up with the Reading Residence with the word ‘blank’

The Reading Residence

22 thoughts on “2015: A blank page

  1. The L's Mum says:

    I am also doing monthly bucket lists because I found that 2014 was a little isolating and I didn’t like how it made me feel, so now I have set myself a monthly bucket list with things to and each sunday I’m planning my week ahead with things to do. I hope you decide how you want to do things and I wish you all the best for the new year #WotW

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    • Leigh Kendall says:

      A weekly bucket list sounds a good idea, bite size chunks is the way to go I think, and not too intimidating. Thanks so much for the suggestion. I hope this works out for you, and that 2015 is everything you wish it to be xxx

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  2. mummyshambles says:

    Definitely agree that we all need some ‘me time’.
    For me, it’s a wander round the charity shops buying whatever takes my fancy. I’m cheap, I know, but it helps others and cheers me up without breaking the bank. Sometimes, I imagine Ma’s with me, linking my arm like she always did. I might look insane smiling away to myself but I don’t care. You have to deal with loss in whatever way is best for you.
    A bucket list is a good idea. It provides focus and the sense of accomplishment must be great.
    I think a lot of us have ‘blank’ days. For me, they are my re-charging days where I do nothing. It’s OK to have blank days, we just have to take care that the days don’t roll into months.
    Much love xXx

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    • Leigh Kendall says:

      Blank days sound good. I have trouble doing nothing because of where my mind goes (to dark places), but I definitely need to find a way of recharging. Thanks for commenting, lovely. Lots of love to you xxx

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  3. Rebecca ClearlyBex Bodkin says:

    Couldn’t agree more about a bucket list. I am really sorry for your loss, I made personal ones which I always thought “If I completed half of my list it was a good month” when I lost my daughter. Also a pamper here and there is a lovely idea x

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  4. Merlinda (@pixiedusk) says:

    I dread new year. It just means I am here for longer where I am without any development, without any change =(

    I wish that you will find something that you can write in your calendar soon. I think its okay if its empty for awhile. So that the day that you will put something in there itll be special and truly as date you will remember. I hope I am making some sense. Happy New Year. #wotw

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  5. thereadingresidence says:

    To thrive sounds perfect to me, and yes, your friend makes a great point if you’re to do this. Book and plan things in for yourself, so you’ve dates to look forward to scattered throughout the year. I’m liking all the ideas above, and I think time spent with good friends, too. Thank you for sharing with #WotW xx

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  6. Dean B says:

    I love blank pages! To me they are exciting 😉 A lot of things can be written in blank pages, all good and not-so-good ones. You’ve survived 2014 and did really well. I have no doubt 2015 will be a good one for you. I wish you more blessings 🙂 #wotw.

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  7. Emma says:

    Maybe ask people close to you for their pick of a really good, life-affirming, favourite film… Make a list of what you haven’t seen, and designate the 15th of each month to pausing the world and losing yourself in a good story for a couple of hours. I can’t remember the last time I did that without habitually picking up my phone, or getting distracted somehow. There’s a lot to be said for quality battery-recharging time… I’m trying to rediscover joy in the little things before I push myself forward. One step at a time, right?

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    • Leigh Kendall says:

      That sounds like a lovely idea Emma, thank you. I need a few positive rituals I think, regular battery-recharging time. Joy in the little things. You’re right, one step at a time. Best wishes to you xxx

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