The eagle-eyed amongst my regular readers may have noticed that I have posted just as much as ever in the past week, despite last week saying that I needed space away from blogging.
The space is still badly-needed. So, why do I feel liberated despite posting as much as ever? Because I told myself I didn’t have to. That’s the major difference. It is incredible how vocalising or writing something down can help! I write because I want to, it’s something I enjoy, gives me satisfaction, and keeps my mind working.
I just need to achieve the balance between keeping my mind working and wearing it out.
In recent weeks I’ve written a few weighty, epic opinion posts that took their toll emotionally, but they had to be written. I say ‘had’ to be written because they are issues that I feel very strongly about, and it is crucial to talk about them.
During the past week I have been taking part in a ‘writing your grief’ course. It’s an online community and participants are invited to use free writing in response to a prompt. Free writing is about going where your mind takes you, no self-editing or self-censorship, for a set amount of time (I’ve been doing about 15 minutes per prompt). It’s been emotional, of course, but therapeutic too. It is helpful to be prompted into thinking about things a different way, from an angle not previously considered and release pent-up feelings.
A couple of them have become blog posts: the beauty of them is that they needed to only to be copied and pasted, with a bit of tidying. A lot less gruelling on my old noggin. It is important to be open about grief because while it is felt individually, it helps others understand a bit more about how it feels. There are many other ‘writing your grief’ posts that will remain personal, though.
Cutting down on the linkies has been liberating, too. A couple of times this week I’ve found myself thinking “it’s x day, that’s x linky day”, but whereas previously I would have joined in irrespective of how I was feeling, I’ve stayed away if I’ve not felt up to it. The world (probably) won’t end. I’ve commented on posts that have caught my eye, which feels better than having to find a post in a linky that I feel able to read without feeling upset, let alone comment on.
Liberation feels good. I am getting better at recognising when I need to have a break, rather than continuing to make myself work so I don’t have to be at one with my thoughts.
This has given me more time to work on other things, and relaxation time, too – going to the gym, and reading. I’ve downloaded a stash of books to my Kindle as temptation to lure myself away from this screen to that one, and hopefully return to devouring books the way I always used to.
Expanding my horizons, step by step.