Last night on social media I saw a photo of a wall sticker above a cot in a nursery. In beautiful, bold cursive script it read:
At first we had each other
Then we had you
Now we have everything.
For a fleeting moment I felt glad that there are parents who are able to decorate their baby’s nursery with such sentiments (and indeed decorate a nursery at all).
That fleeting moment was, well, fleeting.
It was quickly overtaken by an overwhelming sense of jealousy, resentment, and injustice.
I wanted to be able to decorate Hugo’s nursery. A brightly-coloured jungle theme is what I had planned.
Instead I make sure his grave garden looks beautiful, with bright colour and lots of animals.
I miss Hugo so much. We wanted him so much. We love him so much.
It is so bloody unfair.
So in my anger I made my own version of that picture. A picture that shows the reality for empty-armed mummies and daddies.
But not just empty-armed parents. I have no doubt that no matter how many other babies you have, that gap will remain.
We will love the babies who live in our hearts rather than in our arms.