Believe it or not, before I was admitted to hospital earlier this year I shared very little personal information on social media. The three of us needed all the love, support, positive thoughts and prayers we could get. We were overwhelmed by the outpouring of love from family, friends and strangers. This post explains more about it.
I feel blessed that this love has persisted, despite the worst happening, and despite my self-imposed isolation amidst my deep grief.
The love has felt amplified this week.
It was my birthday earlier a few days ago. So many friends and family sent kind messages on social media wishing me a happy birthday, which made me feel very loved. I wasn’t in the mood for really celebrating my birthday, so I was very touched that so many of the wishes mentioned Hugo and recognised that I would find the day difficult without him. That really did mean the world to me.
I felt very loved by my wonderful Martin, who did everything he could to make the day feel special for me despite my reticence. We spent time with Hugo at his grave garden. Martin even offered to take me to my favourite clothes shop to have a look, having seen me browsing their online shop. For the man who hates shopping, that really does represent true love.
I felt incredibly loved by my special friend and her family who threw me a birthday dinner, and baked a delicious cake.
I felt loved because of receiving two beautiful bouquets of flowers. The white bouquet is from my Twitter spaniel family, most of whom I have never even met. I’ll share some of the flowers with Hugo at his grave garden.
I have felt loved because of the number of generous friends and family who volunteered to try to Photoshop images of Hugo, so I would have a photo of him without his wires. My one regret is not having a such a photo of my beautiful boy. I am so grateful for their efforts, and I’ll soon be sharing the finished products for you all to admire.
I am a very proud mummy of my beautiful boy, and loved that the midwives whose Twitter conversation I barged in on yesterday loved the photo of Hugo that I shared with them. I also loved that they are taking away my feedback about improving communication and planning between postnatal wards and neonatal departments, so mummies don’t unnecessarily lose a precious moment of time with a critically ill baby.
Fat Cat has been making more visits than usual, which makes me feel loved – even though I’m aware it’s probably because her real owners are away on holiday. She’s snoozing on the chair next to me while I type. I really appreciate her love and affection – despite her being sick on the bedroom floor this morning.
I’m feeling loved this morning, having just heard the news that I have been shortlisted for a Butterfly Award. It’s for my blogging raising awareness about baby loss. I feel loved because I know friends were determined to nominate me. I feel a little embarrassed because I blog in memory of my Hugo, not for awards or plaudits but it is an incredible opportunity to raise awareness of the issues I am so passionate about.
It feels lovely to feel loved. It feels refreshing to have something to feel so good about – and write about – after feeling indifferent to so much during the last few months.
There is still a long road to travel, but it does feel a little bit better when Hugo, Martin and I feel so loved by so many.